My Terrible Secret
by guubear
Summary: Everyone has secrets, what's theirs? Read and find out. ShizNat and more.
1. Tea and Puppy

Chapter 1: Tea & Puppy

* * *

My name is Fujino Shizuru, I have a terrible secret. No, it's not what you think. I am gay, I admit that, and I am perfectly ok with it. Why would I want to deny that when I happen to have the cutest girlfriend in the universe? I love my girl, but I haven't let her in my darkest secret yet. 

What's my terrible secret? I'll never tell.

* * *

My name is Kuga Natsuki, I have a terrible secret. No, it's not what you think. I admit I like girls, rather, one girl, my girlfriend. She is a tease, but I like her, a lot, maybe too much sometimes. I know I should be honest if I want to maintain a healthy relationship with her, but I cannot bring myself to tell her my most horrible secret yet. 

What's my terrible secret? I'll never tell.

* * *

"... Litters in the school yard, graffiti on the walls, and many other acts of vandalism on school properties... KAICHOU! Are you listening to any of this?" An angry blond slammed her fist on the desk and glared at the calm chestnut-haired girl. 

Shizuru raised her tea cup and took another sip of the aromatic green liquid. _The tea is getting cold. Suzushiro-san's speech is especially long today. It's Friday, and she just has to drag this on. I want to go home. I want to see Natsuki. I wonder what's for dinner? _

"Stop drinking your damn tea and pay attention to me, kaichou. Don't you have a shred of self-wireness that you are the President of the Student Council?"

"It's 'self-awareness', Haruka-chan..." The blond's best friend Yukino, a timid glass-wearing girl corrected in a barely audible voice.

"That's what I said." Haruka huffed and glared at the tea-sipping kaichou.

Shizuru put the empty tea cup down. "Ara, I heard everything you said. I shall leave it to your capable hand, Suzushiro-san. You are my trusty Executive Director after all."

Haruka looked mighty satisfied by the Kyoto-girl's praise. "Very well then. I'll do everything in my power to right the corrupted moral in this school. Yukino, we are leaving."

"Yes, Haruka-chan."

The blond and her friend left the student council room. Only Shizuru and the handsome ladykiller of a Vice President was in the room.

"I should be leaving then. I promised Mikoto to meet her after school." Kanzaki Reito bowed politely at the chestnut-haired girl and left the room.

Clink.

The ceramic tea cup sitting on the desk cracked in half by itself. Shizuru's brows furrowed at the broken cup. _An omen..._

* * *

Natsuki was sitting in her room, brooding. She hated this time of the month. Sighing heavily, the raven-haired girl stood up and took out her cellphone from her pocket. 

"Shizuru, it's me. Look, something important came up, I won't be seeing you tonight."

_Omen._ Shizuru squeezed the cellphone in her hand. "I see. Then I guess I'll see you tomorrow." _It's weekend, maybe I'll stay over..._

Natsuki chewed her lip. "I'm sorry, Shizuru. I'll see you Monday at school. Bye."

Shizuru stared at her cellphone's light blue screen. **Call ended. 00:20. **_She blew me off._ The Kyoto girl flipped close her cellphone and glared at the broken tea cup. _Omen._

* * *

This was not Shizuru's day. She ran out of tea Saturday afternoon and had to go out for an emergency tea shopping. After she got to the specialty tea shop, she realized she had forgotten her wallet at home. Before she had the chance to get back into her dorm room to retrieve her wallet, she was forced out of the building because some genius (aka Mikoto) apparently burned down the kitchen and the fire department took over the place. 

Shizuru had to walk back to the Student Council room for tea. She hadn't have any tea since this morning. The Student Council room was locked, and Shizuru regretted profoundly the decision of making the earnest Executive Director responsible for all the keys to school property.

She had no money with her, she couldn't go home, she was tired, she was thirsty, and she missed her girlfriend terribly. _Natsuki said she was busy and she may not even be home right now, but..._

She marched toward Natsuki's apartment.

* * *

Natsuki sat at the corner of the balcony and stared at the round full moon. She hated to be alone, especially at this time of the month. She wanted to see Shizuru, but she knew she couldn't. 

She curled up into a ball and wept into her arms.

A tiny sound made her cock her head up in alarm. It was a metallic clink made by a key inserting into a keyhole. Natsuki began to panic. _Only Shizuru has a spare key to my apartment... Nooooo... This is bad, this is bad, this really bad!!!_ She covered her ears and yelled. "Go away!"

Shizuru froze at the door. _What does she mean, 'go away'? _She felt like she was slapped in the face. Shizuru ignored the young girl's warning and stepped into the apartment anyway.

It was dark inside the apartment. The only light was the pale silver moonlight spilling in from the balcony. Shizuru approached the trembling figure that was hiding in the corner, then she sat down and pulled the girl into her arms.

Natsuki struggled for a few seconds, but soon relaxed into the older girl's embrace. She put her hands away from her ears and grabbed the back of her girlfriend's shirt instead. "I don't want you to see me like this... I am hideous..." The raven-haired girl sobbed and whimpered, her furry ears flatten against the side of her head and her fluffy tail drooped down sadly behind her.

_Furry ears? Fluffy tail?_

Shizuru brought her hand up to scratch behind the dog-girl's ears. Natsuki tilted her head to the Kyoto girl's hand and wagged her tail. Shizuru had to bite the inside of her lip to stop herself from laughing out loud. "You are not hideous, you are beautiful, Nyatsuki."

Natsuki snapped her head up, her ears erected at the unexpected word. _Nyatsuki?_

Shizuru quickly covered her own mouth and stared at her girlfriend in horror. _Oh my..._

"What did you just called me?"

Shizuru shook her head.

"I heard 'Nyatsuki'."

Shizuru shook her head again.

Natsuki narrowed her icy green eyes dangerously at the Kyoto girl. "You definitely called me 'Nyatsuki', I know I heard right. Dog hearing, remember? Now spill it, woman. Don't make me force it out of you." She lowered her upper body down on the floor and was ready to pounce.

Shizuru put her hand down and sighed. "Alright, alright, my secret is out. You happy nya?"

_Nya?_

The Kyoto girl continued. "I am tea-deprived, that's why I'm talking funny. I guess we are even nya." She chuckled and petted her girlfriend's head.

Natsuki giggled at the tender touch and naturally flipped over, wordlessly begging the chestnut-haired girl to scratch her tummy. When Shizuru did, the dog-girl squealed and wagged her tail like crazy.

"Fullmoon night, nya? I see. I think we'll have a very interesting weekend nya. My dear Nyatsuki."

* * *

Author's Notes: I had to write this fic, the sound of "Nyatsuki" has been driving me crazy. Please read and review. 


	2. Kokoro no Ken

Chapter 2: Kokoro no Ken

* * *

My name is Tokiha Mai, I have a terrible secret. Well, actually it's not that big a secret, because at least four other people know about it. Yes, it's about my roommate Mikoto, and yes, it's absolutely bizarre and embarrassing, but I guess I am stuck with it. 

What's my terrible secret? It's too embarrassing to tell...

* * *

My name is Minagi Mikoto, I have a terrible secret... at least that's what Mai and aniiue told me. It's a lot of fun, my secret I mean. Although it's a little weird when I do it with Mai... Oh, I should shut up, Mai doesn't like me talking about it. 

What's my terrible secret? Mai said no telling otherwise she won't make ramen anymore, so I won't tell. Nope, not a word.

* * *

"Tokiha." Tate called out as he saw the orange-haired girl passing by the hallway. He had been preparing this for several days, and he intended to carrying out what he set out to accomplish. 

Mai stopped and smiled at the sweating young man. "Yes?"

_Alright, she is smiling at me. No hostility, that's a good sign._ Tate cleared his throat. _It's now or never. _"Would you meet me at the rooftop after school?"

The busty girl frowned. "Rooftop?" _Oh my God... Is he going to... _Mai shifted her weight from one foot to another and thought for a moment. "Do I have to?" She asked, despite knowing the answer already.

Tate nodded.

Mai sighed. "Alright, I'll go."

Tate beamed, his face almost split by the stupid side-burn to side-burn grin. "I'll see you then."

* * *

Mai dreaded this, but she understood she had the obligation to answer Tate properly. "Mikoto, let's go. It's time." She said to the feral girl. _Mikoto is with me, so everything will be alright. _She thought, and ruffled the petite girl's unruly black hair lovingly. 

Mikoto gave her owner a genuine smile and followed her up the long winding stairs leading to the rooftop.

They were not the only ones there when they finally got on the rooftop. Tate, Takeda, and Kanzaki were already waiting.

Mai rolled her eyes at the sight of those men. "Tate I can understand, but what are you two doing here?"

"I'm this guy's wing man." Takeda answered innocently.

"And you?" Mai asked Mikoto's aniiue.

Kanzaki smiled charmingly at the orange-haired girl. "I like to watch."

Mai blushed darkly and looked away. "What a pervert..." She mumbled.

"Now, since all the casts are here, can we start now?" Kanzaki asked.

Both Mai and Tate nodded.

Kanzaki grinned like a shark, his white set of teeth glinted in the sunlight. "Very well, I think music is in order at this special occasion." He said and took out a remote control.

"You installed a sound system on the rooftop for this?" Mai's violet eyes bulged to about three times the original size. "The whole thing is embarrassing enough, and you have to go out your way to draw more attention... What is wrong with you?"

"Atmosphere, Mai-san, atmosphere." He said, and pressed the 'on' button.

At the command of a switch, the steel gate at the stairway shut close with a heavy clink of finality, and the music started.

**"Zettai Unmei Mokushiroku, Zettai Unmei Mokushiroku..." **

"Mikoto." Mai turned to the petite girl and pulled her into an embrace. Blushing furiously (at the blasted music), she leaned down and pecked softly on Mikoto's lips. The moment their lips met, a blinding light appeared in the middle of the young girl's chest. Amidst the pure white light, a black hilt emerged.

Mai carefully tightened her fingers around the hilt. The sword was huge, she had to use both hands to handle it properly. "Ready?" She asked Mikoto, and the feral girl nodded and closed her eyes. Slowly, she pulled out the full length of the four and a half feet long claymore from the petite girl's chest.

Takeda nosebled and passed out at the scene of one girl pulling out a giant piece of metal from another girl's body.

**"Shussei Touroku Senrei Meibo Shibou Touroku..." **

Mai only wanted to get the whole thing over with. "En garde!" She cried and charged at Tate.

**"Zettai Unmei Mokushiroku, Zettai Unmei Mokushiroku..."**

"Wait, I haven't put the roses on yet..." Mikoto suddenly realized her error, but it was too late. Tate's weapon (a puny wooden sword he borrowed from Takeda) was cut clean in halves, and the wielder himself got his butt kicked royally by the ferocious redhead in a matter of seconds.

**"Watashi no Tanjou Zettai Tanjou Mokushiroku..."**

"My, my. I think I speak for all of us that the victor is none other than Mai-san." Kanzaki chuckled at the size seven shoe print on the unconscious side-burn boy's rear end.

**"Yami no Sabaku ni Sanba Uba, Kin no Mekki no Tougenkyou, Hiru to Yoru to ga Gyakumawari, Toki no Mekki no Shitsurakuen..."**

"Congratulation, you have proven yourself worthy in battle yet again. I give you my highest praise. You have earned the right to be with my little sister. In the name of Dios, I..."

Mai snapped at the ladykiller. "Would you PLEASE turn that music off?"

Kanzaki gave the victorious (and furious) Duelist the most harmless puppy eyes. "But the best part is about to start..."

Mai popped a vein and lashed out at the Dark Prince of Fuuka.

* * *

Author's Notes: 

1. "Kokoro no Ken" means "Blade of Heart" which is also the title of Mikoto's character song. "Aniiue" means "respectable older brother" which is how Mikoto refers to Kanzaki.

2. The song is "Zettai Unmei Mokushiroku" (The Absolute Destiny Apocalypse) from "Revolutionary Girl Utena." It's the arena theme. The lyrics... it's not important.

3. Evil prince, brainwashed little sister, sword fight, two girls rooming together while one of them acting like the owner of the other one. Adding those together, what do you get?

4. By now I think all you readers know my brain had melted in the process of writing this fic. Please read and review.


	3. Blue Rose and Red Rose

Chapter 3: Blue Rose & Red Rose

* * *

My name is Senou Aoi, I have a terrible secret... No, rather, it's more like a secret identity than just a secret. Being a heroine is not easy, but fortunately I am not in this alone, Chie-chan is always here for me, so I guess there is nothing to complain about. Oops, did I just said 'heroine'? Ahahaha...

What's my terrible secret? Secret identity is meant to be kept secret, otherwise what's the point? I am not telling.

* * *

My name is Harada Chie, I have a terrible secret. Actually, if one must be specific, then I have to say Aoi is the one with the terrible secret. I am only doing everything within my power to help her, and that includes keeping her secret safe. Hard to imagine, right? Harada Chie the gossip queen is keeping a secret for someone. Well, guess what? Why do you think I became the gossip queen in the first place? Why do you think no one has yet to find out about Aoi's secret? That's right, I control the 'gossip network' just to help my girlfriend. Romantic, am I not? Actually, I prefer the word 'chivalrous', thank you very much.

What's my terrible secret? Haven't you been paying attention? My secret and Aoi's secrets are one and the same. For her sake, I will never tell.

* * *

"Moon Tiara Action!" A brown-haired girl clad in blue and white sailor uniform cried as she lashed out at a giant rabbit-like monster.

The pink hairy monster let out a pained screech as the golden projectile grazed its torso, leaving a long, charred mark. Aggravated, the monster pounced at its attacker. The girl was surprised by the monster's sudden change of movement and froze at the spot as the hairy furball came at her with full force.

"Watch out!"

A stem of red rose flew at the monster and effectively made the giant furball stumble back, and a pairs of strong arms caught the girl and carried her out of harm's way. The appearance of an additional opponent unnerved the wounded hairy monster. Before they could react, the monster had swiftly retreated into the woods and out of their sights.

"You saved me again, my prince." The brown-haired girl stared into her dark-haired savior's eyes and whispered.

"Glad to be of your service, my princess." The person replied with a polite bow.

"You look really good in tuxedo." The brown-haired girl smiled fondly at her masked prince.

"Ah... Thanks."

The girl in sailor uniform giggled.

"By the way, that youma looked different from all the other youma we've encountered before. Do you have any idea what's going on?"

The brown-haired girl shook her head. "No. I have no idea. I just hope it won't come back again."

* * *

"Hey, Chie, have you heard? Someone from the Middle School Division saw a strange animal in the woods last night, they said it might be an alien or something!" The busty girl with flaming orange hair asked with a skeptical expression on her face. "Chie, do you know anything about that?"

_Last night? Woods? Strange Animal? _Chie gulped. "Come on, Mai. Would you listen to yourself? Aliens? That has to be the most senseless rumor I've heard in a while." She said dismissively. "Besides, I overheard it from the teacher's lounge room that it was just some wild dog. Nothing to worry about, really. It's not like it's a stupid rabid werewolf or something."

A girl with dark blue hair passing by paused and glared at the gossip queen.

_Did I say something wrong? _Chie gave Natsuki an inquisitive look.

Natsuki scoffed and walked away.

"What's her problem?" Chie asked the equally baffled Mai, but only got a shrug as reply. "Oh, well. Put that aside, I just heard some very interesting rumor about you."

"Me?" Mai shifted her weight from one foot to another uncomfortably. "What... did you hear?"

"Rumor has that the Vice President Kanzaki Reito and the Kendo Club Ace Tate Yuuichi were fighting over your affection. Apparently they had a duel on the rooftop and Kanzaki kicked Tate's ass. And the Captain of Kendo Club Takeda Masashi tried to stop the fight, but also got his ass kicked."

Mai couldn't help but laughed out loud at the grey-haired girl. "Oh my... Chie you are killing me. That is so not true. Why would they be fighting over me? It's not like you don't know I am going out with Mikoto. This rumor is so groundless, but very entertaining though."

"Is that so?" Chie frowned a little. "Then I guess rumors are only rumors. The alien thingy in the woods is probably just some stuff those Middle Schoolers made up."

"Yeah, I guess so." Mai agreed, and waved at her friend. "I'll see you later. Mikoto is waiting for me."

"Bye." Chie smiled and waved back.

"I see, so that's how you manipulate all the rumors in the school's 'gossip network'. Very crafty."

A soft voice appeared behind her. Chie turned around and gave the owner of the gentle voice a devious lopsided grin. "Glad to be of your service, my princess." She said and stole a quick kiss on her girlfriend's lips.

"Chie-chan!" Aoi blushed and looked around nervously. "People will see us!"

"Let them watch." Chie put her hand on the small of the other girl's back and dipped her down in a classic tango pose, causing the brown-haired girl to blush furiously.

"Chi... Um!"

The grey-haired girl leaned in and sealed the girl's lips with her own. The whole classroom erupted with cheers and wolf-whistles.

"Happy birthday, my princess." Chie pulled out a blue rose from nowhere and grinned smugly at Aoi's dazed expression. "Pardon the public display, but the most effective way to drown out an unwanted rumor is to give the crowd something more exciting to talk about." She pulled the girl up into her arm and whispered. "Besides, I cannot resist your charm. Will you stay over at my place tonight? We'll celebrate your birthday together, just the two of us. What do you say?"

Aoi could only nod at her handsome girlfriend.

* * *

_She is late._

Chie glanced at the clock on the wall for the twentieth times in five minutes. Aoi told her earlier that she was only going back to her dorm room to get some change of clothes. That was half an hour ago, it shouldn't have taken that long. _Maybe something happened... Maybe she is in trouble... I have to go look for her. _She grabbed her coat and left her apartment.

* * *

_I didn't expect to see 'it' here. _

Aoi glared at the hairy monster she fought last night and cursed her bad luck. _Chie-chan is waiting for me, and 'this' has to happen. But I can't leave the furball alone, innocent people might get hurt..._ She scanned her surrounding and decided to lure her opponent into the woods and away from the main road.

"Hey! Furball! Over here!" She shouted and blew a raspberry at the giant hairy monster. _I hope this work._

It did.

The oversized rabbit was angered by the childish taunt and came after the brown-haired girl. Aoi led the monster all the way into the woods until they had reached a small clearing. "Alright, now it's just you and me now, furball."

"Moon Tiara Action!" A golden projectile flew toward the monster but missed, the boomerang-like weapon flew back into its owner's hand.

"What the..." Aoi stared at the brown-haired girl in sailor uniform with her mouth hanging open. "Akane-chan? What are you doing here? What's with that skimpy costume?"

"What? You recognize me? I thought my disguise was perfect..." Akane seemed shocked.

Aoi rolled her eyes. "Well, it's pretty obvious..."

"No, you've got it wrong. This girl is not Higurashi Akane. She is Sailor Moon, the senshi of love and justice!" A man in tuxedo came out of nowhere and stood in front of Akane.

"Kurauchi Kazuya?" Aoi's eyes almost popped out of their sockets. "What are you doing in that suit?"

"What? You can tell it's me even with the mask on?" Kazuya took a step back. "You are good."

Aoi felt like she was about to have a massive migraine.

"Now it's not the time to fight amongst ourselves. We should deal with this youma first." Akane pointed at the hairy monster and declared: "In the name of the Moon, I shall punish you!"

"Stop!" Aoi put her arms up and stood between Sailor Mo... Akane and the hairy monster. "You will not hurt this child!"

"Wha... Don't tell me... Aoi-chan, are you on the side of the evil youma?" Akane was on the verge of tears. "Did they force you into this? Did they brainwash you? Poor Aoi-chan..."

"This is really hard to explain..." Aoi sighed and took out a pink key from her pocket. "The Key which hides the power of darkness, show your true power before me! I, Aoi, command you under our contract... RELEASE!" With the command, the small key in her palm grew into a full length staff.

"I knew something was wrong when you were late." Chie came into the glade and let out a relieved sigh. "So 'Jump' is here again. Be careful, Aoi." She said, but quickly jerked her head as she gawking at the girl in sailor uniform and the guy in tuxedo. "What the... Akane-chan? Kazuya-kun? What's with the clothes? I didn't know you two have such... hmm... interesting hobby."

Both Akane and Kazuya sweatdropped.

The giant rabbit growled and tackled Aoi. The Cardcaptor nimbly dodged out of the way. Akane thought the girl was in danger so she readied her tiara in her hand. "Moon Tiara..."

"Hold on a second." Chie stopped the girl and took out a camcorder. "Just stay back and let my girl do her job."

Aoi took out a card from her pocket and chanted. "Wind, become my binding chain... WINDY!" The card turned into ribbons of visible flowing gusts and bound the pink hairy monster. "Return to your original form, Clow Card!" Aoi struck down her staff at the furball, and the monster was then transformed into a card. "Hoe... Finally got you, Jump."

"Nice, Aoi." Chie kissed the girl on her cheek and then turned to smirk at Akane and Kazuya. "Now that we all know each other's secrets... Let's make a deal. You don't tell on us, and we don't tell on you. How does that sound?"

* * *

Author's Notes: What? You thought Chie and Aoi were Tuxedo Mask and Sailor Moon? What made you think that? (evil grin) :p Please read and review. 


	4. Mariasama ga Miteru

Chapter 4: Maria-sama ga Miteru

* * *

My name is Sanada Yukariko, I have a terrible secret. O, God, please guide me, please guide your lost lamb, I pray you. O, Maria-sama, please tell me what to do, please give me strength to resist temptations, I beg of you. 

What's my terrible secret? That's between me and God...

* * *

Sister Yukariko was in love. 

At least that's the rumor that had been circulating in Chie's information network. Personally, Nao wouldn't trust such dubious source. The gossip queen's reliability was on the same level as the tabloid (which shall remain nameless) that reported numerous Elvis sightings.

Even though the rumor itself was ridiculous, Nao could understand why such rumor existed in the first place.

Something was obviously wrong with Sister Yukariko. Nao would be the one noticing that, she worked in the church with the Sister as a part-time nun (if there were such a thing as a 'part-time nun').

Okay, apprentice nun. Happy now?

See there, Sister Yukariko was staring into space with a dreamy look on her face again. It's really... creepy and annoying.

Nao decided to take matters into her own hands.

"Sister Yukariko. Sister Yukariko? SISTER YUKARIKO!"

The daydreaming nun snapped into attention and gave the redhead the startled deer look. Nao rolled her eyes.

"You. Come with me."

"Come... where?" The nun looked rather confused by Nao's sudden request.

"There." Nao pointed the confessional behind her with her thumb.

"There?" Yukariko nodded understandingly. "I see. I will hear everything, Sister Nao. Reconciliation is the way to regain the grace of God..."

"It's not for me. It's for you." Nao said with mild annoyance in her voice.

Yukariko suddenly looked very afraid. "For... for me?"

Nao felt a vein popping on her forehead. "Are you a parrot? Why are you repeating everything I said to you? Now stop asking question and get your ass in there. I am doing you a favour, damn it."

"But..."

"Now!"

"... It seems I don't have a choice."

* * *

"You may start now." Nao said. 

"Forgive me, Father, for I've..."

"Can we skip that and cut to the chase?" Nao asked impatiently. "Look, in case you've forgotten, I'm not really qualified for taking the confession thingy... Whatever you call it. Just tell me what's been bothering you. Alright?"

Yukariko remained silent for a few minutes, and then finally let out a heavy sigh. "You... you promise you won't tell?"

"I promise." _Unless I accidentally let slip... Then it's not something I can guarantee. _Nao added mentally.

Letting out another sigh, the troubled nun reluctantly confessed her deepest, darkest secret.

"I... am..."

"Yes?"

"I... I am in love."

"WHAT?!" Nao almost jumped up from her seat. She thought she was hallucinating. What's the chance of the gossip queen being right? "So, the one you are in love with... Is it the art teacher Ishigami-sensei like the rumor says?"

"Him? What makes you think it's him?" Yukariko said with mild amusement in her voice. "Sister Nao, you shouldn't take rumors too seriously."

"Hmm... If it's not Ishigami-sensei, then who is the guy you are in love with?" Nao asked.

Yukariko let out a depressed sigh. "I... I am not in love with a man..."

"But you just said you are in love!" Nao protested. "Are you messing with me?"

"No. I..." Yukariko fidgeted in her seat. "I am in love... with a woman."

"WHAT?!" This time Nao really did jumped to her feet. "What do you mean you are in love with a woman?"

"I know I have devoted myself to my faith, I shouldn't have such sinful thoughts..."

"Oi! Stop your monologue and tell me more details!"

Yukarino paused and raised an eyebrow. "Sister Nao, may I ask why you are so interested in the details? I thought you wanted me to confess my sins so I won't be doomed for eternal damnation..."

"Well..." Nao sat back down in her seat. "I only want to know the details because..." _I want to sell this piece of information to Chie so I can buy myself a new cellphone. _"I want to make sure you confess thoroughly." She cleared her throat at the obvious lie. "Don't forget, the Virgin Mary is watching."

"Thank you, Sister Nao. You are such a kind person." Yukariko said with a gentle smile on her face.

The good Sister's praise was like a stab on the redhead's conscience. She frowned at the unusual feeling of guilt but quickly shrugged it off. "Alright. Tell me about the woman you are in love with. What kind of person is she like? Is she someone I know?"

Yukariko contemplated for the best words to describe her object of affection. Small blushes coloured her cheeks when the image of the one she loved appeared in her mind's eyes. "I think she is someone you know. She is really kind. She is such a gentle soul, she would often act in ways that contradicted her true character. It's funny how people always consider her to be cold and uncaring."

The frown between Nao's brows deepened. _Where have I heard that... OH MY GOD IT'S KUGA! _Nao swallowed thickly. _This is so wrong... No, I shouldn't jump to conclusion. There is no way in hell Sister would be in love with that unrefined wild dog. _"Can you tell me what she looks like?" Nao asked, finding her own voice a little too squeaky. "You know, her physical traits. Why do you find her attractive?"

The pink blushes on Yukariko's cheeks darken into the shade of rose red. "Her eyes... She has lovely emerald green eyes."

_Emerald green eyes._ Nao massaged her temples with her hand. _Who do I know has emerald green eyes... OH MY GOD IT REALLY IS KUGA... No, I refuse to believe this. A lot of people have green eyes. Let's see... Old maid Fumi has green eyes, Midori-chan has green eyes, even I have green eyes._ "Okay, so she has green eyes. What else? Be more specific."

"More specific... Yes. I like her hair. Every time I see her soft, short hair, I would have the urge to run my fingers through it... I am such a sinful person..." Yukariko's voice was so soft, it was almost inaudible.

_Short hair._ Nao let out a relieved sigh. _So it's not Kuga. Thank God. Only that idiot Fujino would be interested in that vulgar beast. _She thought happily. _So the woman Sister Yukariko is in love with is... Wait a second... Cold but kind? Green eyes? Short hair? WHAT THE HELL?!_ Nao's jaw dropped down to the floor. _IT'S ME!_

"Sssssister Yukariko. Are you sure? I mean. Are you sure you are in love with m... that person?" Nao could feel cold sweats rolling down her back.

"Yes, I am sure." Yukariko said. "Sometimes I regret the decision of becoming a nun. I want to be with her. Maybe I should give up my habit..."

"No!" Nao screamed. "No giving up your habit, damn it!"

"Hmm..." Yukariko was startled by the redhead's sudden outburst. "Why is that? Do you think that person would rather have me keep my habit on when I confess my love for her?"

"No confessing!" Nao felt dizzy. "You've done enough confession for one day!"

"Are you alright? You don't sound so good. Maybe you should go lie down in the back and get some rest. Young girl such as you should take better care of you body." Yukariko said with a concerned voice.

"I'm totally fine!" Nao replied quickly. "I'll... I'll just go drink some water. See you later!" She then fled out of the confessional as if her ass were on fire.

Yukariko was completely mystified. "I wonder what is wrong with her..."

By the time she came out of the confessional, Nao had fled the church. She didn't even get the chance to see if the young girl was alright. Slightly worried, Yukariko decided to include Nao's health in her afternoon prayer.

* * *

Nao decided to quit her part-time job. 

"Excuse me. I see you are wearing a habit. Could you tell me if I could find Sister Yukariko at the church?"

On her way back to her dorm, Nao was stopped by a familiar face. _Weird. Where have I seen her? _She thought.

"Hmm? Why are you looking for her?" Nao eyed the suspicious character with caution.

That person blushed a little at the blunt question. "I am Sister Yukariko's senior back in high school. I just want to talk to her."

Cold but kind, green eyes, and short hair.

And then it suddenly dawned on her. The redhead had to suppress the overwhelming urge to laugh out loud with great effort. "Yeah, she is probably praying at the church right now. By the way, what's your name?" She asked with a gleeful smirk on her face.

The woman was taken aback by Nao's sudden change of attitude, but she answered nonetheless.

"Maria Graceburt."

* * *

Author's Notes: 

1. "Maria-sama ga Miteru" means "the Virgin Mary is watching", which is also the title of a yuri anime.

2. I hope the crack religious content didn't offend anyone. Please read and review.


	5. Yamete! Oshiri ga Itai!

Chapter 5: Yamete! Oshiri ga Itai!

* * *

My name is Kanzaki Reito, I have a terrible secret. I would rather cut my stomach open than allow any more people to know that shameful incident.

What's my terrible secret? I shall never tell.

* * *

My name is Tate Yuuichi, I have a terrible secret. It was all Shiho's fault. Plain and simple.

What's my terrible secret? Like I'll ever spill.

* * *

My name is Takeda Masashi, I have a terrible secret. I swear I didn't see it... Well, maybe I did. But why should I be the one who got all the blame? It's all that scary woman's fault! I had nothing to do with it! Really! Believe me!

What's my terrible secret? A real man should not even be thinking about it! I should go train with my bamboo sword some more...

* * *

Shiho was troubled. She was aware her dear onii-chan was depressed ever since he'd had his ass handed to him in a duel. However, she had only found out recently about Tate's crush on the girl who defeated him.

How unfair. Shiho couldn't understand why men always fell for girls with big bust sizes. What's so good about big tits anyway? And why oh why did Tate fall for the infamous dyke/cradle-robber/cow Tokiha Mai?

Shiho decided it was time to do something about it.

* * *

"So? Why should I care about your problem?" Nao asked with a bored look on her face.

Taking in a deep breath, Shiho tried hard not to yell at the redhead. "You are a Sister. Aren't you supposed to listen to people's problems and give guidance for the lost lambs?"

Nao couldn't help but smirk at the younger girl. "Haven't you heard? I'm not a nun anymore. I quit." She paused for a moment before she continued with a impish grin on her face. "But for a small fee, I'm willing to hear you out. Be grateful, I'm doing this purely out of the goodness of my heart." _Lucky! Now I can finally pay off my cellphone debt! I had no idea text messaging would cost that much. _

Shiho was desperate, so she didn't mind blowing her allowance over this. Besides, Nao was a Sister. If one could not trust a nun, who else could one trust?

What a mistake.

* * *

Although reluctant, Tate finally caved in at Shiho's constant pestering and went to have a serious talk with the Vice President of the Student Council, Kanzaki Reito. Shiho insisted that talking with a fellow Mai admirer was the most effective way to get over his unrequited love.

Had he known the whole idea was some crap randomly spewed by Nao, he never would have given in, no matter how much Shiho begged.

* * *

"But you promised you would let Tate come back to our kendo club!" Takeda Masashi was not too happy with Reito. And the fact that he had a naturally loud talking voice only made them look like they were arguing. At least that was what it seemed like to Tate.

"Maa... Maa..." Reito replied with an infuriatingly calm demeanour. "Don't get so worked up. Would you like some tea first? The hallway is hardly a proper place for conversation. Ah, yes, Tate-kun. I see you are here as well. Would you like to join us?"

Tate was planning on quietly slipping away when he saw the two arguing, but turning down Reito's invitation after being noticed would be rude. "Oh, ok. I have something I need to talk to you about too."

* * *

Reito almost opened the door to Student Council Room. He suddenly froze on the spot with his hand still gripping the door handle. Tate and Takeda frowned at Reito's strange behaviour but soon realized the reason behind it.

"Fufufu... I see you like that..." Purred a Kyoto-ben brimming with mirth.

Replied a frustrated groan, and a growl.

"Ara, ara. Natsuki is so sensitive."

Reito quickly released the door handle and took a hurried step back. Soon after, there was a dull thud of something heavy being pushed against the door. And then there were wet sucking sounds and muffled moans.

At this point, even Reito was blushing a little. He deliberately cleared his throat a few times before he spoke. "Gentlemen, I think this room is unavailable..."

"Kuga! Are you in pain?" Before anyone could stop Takeda, the hot-blooded kendo captain had grabbed the handle with both hands and forced open the locked sliding door.

Being suddenly deprived of the door as their support, the lovey-dovey couple came tumbling out of the room as if someone had just pulled the rug out from under their feet. Natsuki accidentally ripped Shizuru's bra out of her shirt when the hallway wall finally stopped them from rolling across the floor.

By the look on their faces, it was apparent some people were going to suffer a slow and painful death.

"IAMSOSORRY!" Takeda shouted out the apology at the top of his lungs as torrents of blood gushed out of his nose. Reito and Tate reacted quickly and dragged their now comatose friend into the Student Council Room, barricading themselves with every piece of furniture available.

Alas. They had incurred the wrath of the only person in the world whom no-one should ever mess with.

Not until much, much later, did Haruka and Yukino find them lying on the floor of a trashed Student Council Room, bound, gagged, sandwiched together, and butt naked.

Life-size posters of their "entanglement" started selling on campus the very next day.

* * *

Author's Notes:

1. Sick Pimp from Shoujo-ai Forum inspired me to write this chapter. Renny-chan's naked Reito picture also greatly traumatized/motivated me. XD

2. I feel sorry for my beta... She had to read this chapter over and over again...

3. The title of this chapter "**Ya**mete! **O**shiri ga **I**tai!" means "Stop! My butt hurts!" It's a backronym of "yaoi". Please read and review.


	6. Not So Evil Spirit

Chapter 6: Not-So-Evil Spirit

* * *

My name is Yuuki Nao, I have a terrible secret. Seriously, no one would believe what my secret is even if I tell them with utmost honesty... Eww. I just said "utmost honesty." Now I wanna puke.

What? Are you retarded or something? Stop staring at me, stupid. I'm not telling.

* * *

My name is Alyssa Searrs, I have a terrible secret.

I see dead people.

* * *

Munakata Shiho was possessed.

Being the only granddaughter of the head priest in Fuuka Shrine, Shiho had been helping out her grandfather around the shrine as a miko since she was little. Although she was afraid of anything mildly scary, growing up in a shine with hundreds of years of history, she had unwillingly seen her fair share of supernatural phenomena.

She never thought she would be part of a phenomenon, though.

The person who first noticed that there was something strange about the girl was Tate Yuuichi. He thought Shiho's constant mumbling, twitching, and glaring was just her moping over "that" incident. But when one morning he saw the girl's crazy new hairstyle, he knew something had gone terribly wrong. Tate had tried to talk to Shiho, but all she would say was an incoherent mantra of "maki maki."

"I sense an evil presence haunting you," said a blonde child, whose sweet but humourless voice snapped Tate out of his thoughts. The child was holding an aqua-haired girl's hand, and both of them were looking too serious to be making fun of him. _Wait, that girl is Miyu Greer from my class!_

Tate scanned his surrounding and realized he was in front of the church at Fuuka Academy. He must have been really out of it to have wandered off course on his way home from school. "Um, excuse me, but who are you?"

"I am Alyssa Searrs," the child said and raised a hand to point at Tate's face. "And you have been cursed by an evil spirit."

"Huh?" Tate looked around but didn't see anyone behind him. He pointed at himself and asked curiously. "Me? Cursed?"

"Yes." Alyssa nodded. "By someone possessed by a spiralling evil spirit."

"Spiralling... Maki maki?" _Shiho! Now that makes sense... Somehow._ Tate eyed the child suspiciously. There was something unsettling about this Alyssa girl that he didn't like very much. "No, this isn't right. You almost had me fooled, kiddo. Just run along with your big sister there and don't talk to strangers. They might be bad people... Ah, I don't mean I'm a bad guy, 'cause I'm a good guy. Anyways, just go home, alright?"

Miyu's expressionless face twitched almost unnoticeable at Tate's reply. "You are being rude to Alyssa ojou-sama. I suggest you show more respect when addressing her in the future. Otherwise..."

"You're scaring people again, Miyu. Can't you relax a bit sometimes?" Nao poked her head out of the church door and waved at Miyu and Alyssa. "By the way, Sister Yukariko is looking for you two. She said something about an exorcism. I think she has finally lost her mind."

"Good timing. Just as I thought..." Alyssa gave Nao a thoughtful look before gesturing Tate to follow her into the church. "You there, come. We have a lot of work ahead of us."

Tate shrugged and did as he was told. What's the worse thing that could happen?

* * *

"Ahhhhh!! Help! Let me gooooo!"

Nao grinned broadly and bent down to stick a piece of duct tape over Tate's mouth. She hadn't had this much fun since, well, last weekend. "Be a good boy and stop struggling. I used an entire roll of duct tape on you. You should know you're only going to hurt yourself if you keep this up,l" the redhead said gleefully to the man who looked like a fly trapped in a spider's web.

Tate made a few noises at Nao's comment. Too bad she couldn't make out what he was trying to tell her. She guessed it would be along the lines of "let me go" or "you're all insane."

Nao left the poor man lying on the railway tracks and swiftly climbed back up on the platform. "The bait is ready, and now what?" She asked.

"We wait. The evil spirit should show up soon." Alyssa said.

Nao laughed. "Alyssa, Alyssa, Alyssa. You're still too green. Now let me teach you a trick." She pulled out her shiny new cellphone, which she bought with the money earned from selling life-sized posters of naked men (who shall remain nameless) in the Student Council Room, and took yet another (oops) picture of a bounded Tate (again) lying (fully clothed this time) on the railway tracks, and then sent it to every cellphone in Fuuka.

"I'm very sorry, Tate-san." Yukariko said apologetically to the young man. "We are only doing this to save some poor, tortured soul from the evil spirit. There is no other way. You must understand. It's for the greater good." She said, and held up her rosary toward the sky. "Begone, evil spirit! We shall send you whence you came!"

At that precise moment, a shrill cry of someone, or rather, some thing, pierced the peaceful evening.

"Holy... What the hell is that?!" Nao's jaw dropped at the sight of a giant pink tentacled monster coming their way. Taking a second look, Nao realized that the tentacle monster was, in fact, a girl with her eight massive bundles of hair propelling her across the town like a mutant octopus.

"Oh Lord, have mercy..." Yukariko took several steps back. "The evil spirit seems to be so much stronger than we've anticipated. We can't handle this on our own."

Alyssa nodded. "There is a way. We need to invoke the spirit of something equally powerful to help us. We'll need a medium for this. Nao, would you give us your help?"

The redhead sighed. "Alright. But you'll have to pay me for this."

"Money is not a problem," Alyssa said. "That man there will, for sure, pay you handsomely for your service."

Nao sighed again. "I guess I'll have to do it. There is no helping it. I'm such a good person, I feel sorry for myself sometimes."

If Tate were not gagged, he would have been puking in disgust at Nao's comment right about now.

"So what do you need me to do?" the redhead asked.

Alyssa waved the redhead to kneel down in front of her. Nao did, and Alyssa put a gem-set earring on her left earlobe. "Yuuki Nao, the pure maiden who bears my seal. I shall invoke the spirit within you," she chanted, and kissed the gem.

Miyu's eyebrow twitched. Just a little bit.

Nao blushed. Just a little bit as well.

And then all hell broke loose.

* * *

"Give me back my onii-chan now!" Shiho shrieked, the eight strands of tentacle-like pigtails served as powerful springs and propelled her off the ground. She landed on top of a moving train with a heavy thunk.

Nao landed on top of the train on all fours without making a sound. "What kind of evil spirit are you? You look like a stupid tentacle monster out of a bad hentai anime."

Shiho was more than a little surprised to see Nao on top of the train. "How did you get here? For your information, octopuses are not stupid. And those are arms, not tentacles!"

"You look stupid to me." Nao whipped her arms at the octopus-possessed girl and thick strands of threads came shooting out of her hands. Shiho's tentacles lashed out just in time to swat those sticky projectiles away.

"Spider, I see," Shiho scoffed. "Why must we fight? We're both eight-legged. Join me. Together we should rule the world. All you need to do is returning my onii-chan to me. That should be easy enough for you."

"I would love to, but," Nao licked the blade-like claws extending out of her fingers before giving her opponent a Cheshire smile. She really liked those babies. Being possessed by a spider spirit sure had its perks. "I am the heroine in this story, and you are the bad guy. We don't mix. Oh, by the way, if you don't get out of this girl's body soon, I'll really hurt that stupid man you care so much about."

"And you call me the bad guy?" Shiho huffed in indignation. "If you dare hurt him, you're so gonna pay!"

"Then be a good evil spirit and let me exorcise you."

"Never!"

A small, black shuriken suddenly cut through the air and struck the metal roof of the cart right between them. "Hold it right there!" a third voice shouted. Nao and Shiho both turned toward the direction of the intruder. A masked figure clad in a black bodysuit and cape had appeared on top of the train out of nowhere when they weren't paying attention to their surroundings.

Nao made a face at the black figure. "Who the hell are you? Someone who is possessed by a bad fashion sense?"

"Of course not! I am the..."

"Wait up, Akira-kun. I can't run that fast," said another masked figure clad in a bright red vest, neon green shorts, and a blinding yellow cape while slowly climbing out of a nearby window. "Ah, I think I'm a little stuck. Would you give me a hand, please?"

Nao slapped her un-clawed hand over her forehead. "Lookie, lookie. The Boy Wonder here _is_ the epitome of bad fashion sense."

"Taku... I mean, Robin, didn't I tell you to stay inside the train? You don't have to tag along every time," Akira scolded and pulled her cheerful sidekick up.

"Who are you circus freaks?" Shiho's eyebrows twitched at the sight of the newcomers. Things had gotten really ridiculous.

"We're not circus freaks," Takumi explained nicely to the octopus possessed girl. "Akira-kun, I mean, the Secret Ninja of Justice, the Dark Knight, the..."

Nao interrupted the boy's lengthy introduction. "I think we got it."

"Then you must understand why we're here. You two have been causing a lot of trouble to the citizenry of Fuuka. Stop whatever you're doing now and get off the train!" Akira ordered firmly.

Two more heads and two sets of camera phones came poking out of the windows near where the heroines were. "No trouble at all. Keep going. This is great material," shouted Chie over the noise of the train.

"I think we can probably make a movie out of it. A trilogy, even," Aoi added. "Takumi-kun, nice outfits. Did you make them yourself?"

Takumi scratched the back of his head in embarrassment. "Sort of. I just did the sewing. Akira-kun drew the design, and onee-chan helped me pick out the fabrics."

"You people stop talking amongst yourselves and pay attention to me! Me! I'm rampaging here!" Shiho stomped hard on the train while her hair-tentacles lashed out at all directions to help make a point. "Curse you all! Maki maki maki maki..."

Nao jumped back and spun more webs to block off Shiho's tentacles. Behind her, Akira quickly tossed a hail of shuriken to pin the berserking girl's hair down on the train. "See what you meddlesome people have done? A simple exorcism has now turned into a complete disaster." Nao scowled at Akira and her sidekick before she yelled at Chie and Aoi. "You two, stop filming us and call Sister Yukariko now. Tell her to untie side-burn boy and move him away from the tracks before the train squashes him into a puddle of human stain."

"This is an exorcism?" Takumi asked with apparent amusement in his voice. "I thought we were fighting crime."

"Well, running amok while being possessed by an evil spirit is not exactly lawful. But that's beside the point," Nao said, and nimbly dodged another tentacle attack. "Less talking, more hitting, Wonder Boy. Since blackmailing didn't work, now we need to thoroughly beat up this person so the evil spirit would have no choice but to leave its host."

"Why didn't you tell me earlier it's an exorcism? What a waste of my time." Akira dug out a small package from her utility-belt-of-limitless-crime-fighting-tools and threw its contents at Shiho. The octopus-possessed girl instantly doubled over in pain and collapsed on the train in a lifeless heap.

"Wow. That's amazing. What did you do?" Nao asked.

Akira sighed. "It's just some salt. It's the most basic technique in exorcism. Don't you people know anything?" She shook her head and took out another package of salt from her belt. "I think you're possessed as well. Let me guess: spider spirit?"

"Yup. Alyssa called the spirit to possess me so I can fight on equal ground with that octopus spirit. Neat, eh?"

Akira sighed again and threw the package of salt over Nao's head.

* * *

My name is Yuuki Nao, I have a terrible secret.

I am a good person.

* * *

Author's Notes: Crazy Muse came. I wrote. Sorry for the long wait. -Blows kisses at Dr. Leebot-


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